Common sense tells us that perfectionists are neat freaks, with residences ready to be photographed for House Beautiful at a moment’s notice. Or if not that, at least perfectionists never have issues with clutter.

Wrong.

In fact, the physical clutter that surrounds us is often a source of guilt and shame. In classic perfectionist style, we tell ourselves that we “should” be able to manage our stuff and our surroundings better. We often don’t invite people to our homes for fear they will judge us for our messy dwellings. And the clutter can weigh on our minds even when it’s not in sight. I’ve often said that the state of my mind reflects the state of my bedroom; even when I’m somewhere else, I can’t think clearly because I’m remembering the mess that awaits me when I get home and feeling the pressure to deal with it.

So why does this counterintuitive thing happen? Why do perfectionists so often find themselves being . . . well, really messy? For a number of reasons.

One is the drive to be thorough and complete beyond necessity. Maybe you have piles of magazines or papers sitting around that you haven’t read yet. Or craft projects, or clothing to mend, or auto parts in the garage, or that broken clock you’ve been meaning to fix for the past two years. To toss these things would constitute an admission that you’ll never get around to doing them even though you’ve decided that you should. And that would mean you’re less than the perfectly together person you want to feel you are.

Another reason is the infamous “just in case.” What if you finally lose the weight you’ve been trying to, and you can fit into that overflowing closetful of pefectly good “skinny” clothing again, rather than the ten or twelve outfits you’ve been rotating through for the last year? What if you eventually write that book or start that business, and need a quote from that very article you printed off the Internet several months back? You know, the one perched precariously on the stack of boxes in the corner full of books you really do intend to read. Someday soon now, honestly.

Sometimes you simply feel overwhelmed by the thought of all the decluttering that needs to be done, and so you keep finding (consciously or unconsciously) ways to avoid it.

If you see yourself reflected in any of these descriptions, there are things you can do to begin extricating yourself from the morass of stuff that surrounds you, both physically and psychologically.

First, take an honest look and decide whether it’s really all that bad. If you’re anything like me, you hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else around you. So pretend for a moment that this is a friend’s house, or a colleague’s office. Would you fault them for what you see, or would you consider the amount of clutter to be reasonable? Maybe it makes the home feel cozy and lived-in. Maybe it’s the office of a busy person who has more important things to do right now than handle all the back-filing. Would you be forgiving of the way this space looks if it wasn’t your own? If so, can you allow for the possibility of forgiving yourself?

If you decide that the mess truly is problematic, there are some things you can try to circumvent your pesky inner perfectionist. One very effective method is to assign yourself one extremely small area per day to declutter. You might tackle the top of one cabinet one one day, or a single desk drawer. If you’re decluttering the kitchen, do one cabinet shelf. Have two boxes or baskets handy. In one, toss the items you’re going to get rid of. The other is for all the items that are being temporarily displaced until you find or clear a space for them to have a new home. You’ll be surprised how quickly you will see a difference in your physical environment by tackling just one small area a day. Even more, you’ll begin to feel a sense of clarity, space, and relief that will amaze you.

Another thing to try is to get some of your thoughts and feelings down in words. Write about why you really want to use up those candlemaking supplies or work your way through that stack of novels. Sometimes just getting it all down on paper is enough to give you some fresh perspective on the situation. This can clarify your goals, allowing you to refocus on some while possibly eliminating others–and all the physical stuff that goes with them.

You can also try reasoning with yourself about what you actually need. If you tend to hoard things, sometimes you can find ways to gently release some of them from your life. If you ever really want to read a particular book again, there is always the library, or the Internet since so many publications are now available online, either for free or (for used copies) cheaply on sites like eBay or Amazon. How quickly can you honestly expect to lose the weight you want to, and wouldn’t someone who shops at Goodwill or the Salvation Army be able to get good use from your non-fitting clothing while you’re losing it? Besides, think what fun it will be to shop for new clothing to celebrate your weight loss when you get there! Maybe you can even plan on doing that at Goodwill yourself.

I remember reading about a man who sold all his unneeded things on eBay, and banked the money in an “If I Ever Need to Repurchase Anything I’ve Sold” account. Which he then earned interest on. Brilliant idea.

Sometimes it’s just too much for you to face on your own. In those instances, it’s often best to enlist the help of a professional. Paying for decluttering assistance is not a luxury–it’s a legitimate “taking care of yourself” investment that will pay off many times over in increased peace of mind, productivity, and ability to focus on what’s truly important in your life. In the United States, the National Association of Professional Organizers maintains a list of accredited professional organizers with many different areas of expertise. This is the best way to find a trustworthy professional organizer in your area. 

Surprisingly, there are many people who can assist you at a distance over the Internet. Three individuals I can recommend (I am not being compensated for these recommendations, by the way) are Jennifer Hofmann of Inspired Home Office, Lisa Baldwin of Divine Order, and Alison Marks of Inside Out Design Coaching. Check them out to see if what they do resonates with you.

The main piece of advice I can give you throughout any of these processes is to be compassionate with yourself. You are a diligent, hardworking person who sincerely wants to do the best you can–that’s why you’ve surrounded yourself with so many to-do’s, probably more than you can handle. It absolutely does not mean you’re a failure if you never get to them all.

We’ll talk about these inner, “feeling” aspects of perfectionism much more as time goes on, and how we can be gentle and forgiving with ourselves.

In the meantime, happy gradual and compassionate decluttering to you! Feel free to respond in the comments below and let me know how it’s going for you, or if you have any questions you’d like me to address in future posts. You’re always welcome to e-mail me, too. My e-mail address is at the bottom of the “about me” page.

Tags: compassion, overwhelm, stuff

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