Comments on: Aiming to Please

By: Michelle Russell

Michelle Russell — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 02:38:46 +0000

Hi, GLB – I hope they’re tears of release! (As a person who has a pretty much non-crying history, I’m discovering their cathartic power lately.)

And yes, I know that pattern of making people not like you from the start as a defense mechanism. It’s definitely a heart-wrencher, and it can take so many forms.

Mine, I think, is the tendency to overshare things and let my more than slightly left of center sense of humor out…it’s like I’m trying to weed out anyone who has the “Huh???” reaction to me right from the beginning. Which would be fine if I was doing it *consciously.* But more often than not i find myself blaming people for “just not getting me,” when it’s probably a function of how *I* act.

This is all a long-winded of saying that I think I understand where you’re coming from. No one ever said this self-awareness stuff was easy (dammit).
Michelle Russell´s last blog ..Everything in Moderation- Including Moderation

By: GKB

GKB — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:49:40 +0000

Michelle,

I am in tears as I read this. I’m fifty years old and still dealing with not living up to the potential everyone saw in me when I was six and made straight As all year. Now it as if its easier to make people not like me from the beginning rather than suffer their disappointment when I fail.

By: Michelle Russell

Michelle Russell — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:29:00 +0000

Hi, M.A. – Glad this struck such a chord for you. To be honest, of all the posts I’ve written so far, I end up referencing this one (in other posts) more than any other.

My own pattern has usually been “over-promising and working myself to the bone to make sure I fulfill my promises no matter what it costs me.” I’m actively working on dismantling that one now.

By: M. A. Latimore

M. A. Latimore — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:28:09 +0000

This entry touched me deeply. I, too, have struggled with endless bouts of perfection and being a people pleaser. All it’s given me in the end is a nasty habit I call “over-promising and under-delivering.” This entry gave me an opportunity to revisit some of my own formative moments. Thanks, Michelle.

By: Michelle Russell

Michelle Russell — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:00:27 +0000

Samantha, I’m so glad you found my blog! (And by the way, I know the subscription buttons have disappeared–I’ll fix that as soon as I can.)

One advantage of writing about the issues I do is that they’re not dependent on being “current.” These issues are so deeply imbedded for so many of us that they *always* seem relevant . . . at least to those who are struggling with them, like me.

If you haven’t, you might check out the poem-post I wrote a few weeks ago, “A Little Girl’s Declaration of Independence.” I wish I could say I’m living up to it 100%, but at least it says what I’m really feeling!

Anyway, thanks so much for your comment!

By: Samantha

Samantha — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:10:27 +0000

Thank you Michelle. I know this is an old post, but I just found it – and I’m so glad I did. I’m going to have to read it a few more times to really let it sink in, because I had and have the exact same issues. My perfectionism, my crippling, crippling perfectionism, comes from exactly this – becoming so accustomed to praise and acheivement that I have no concept of who I would be without them. But I’m working on it – and finding your blog has been an amazing help. Thank you.

By: Goddess Leonie @ GoddessGuidebook.com

Goddess Leonie @ GoddessGuidebook.com — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:15:33 +0000

Oh darling. This touches me so much. I feel in so many ways that your story is so many of our stories too... the reaching and pushing for perfection so we can get love & approval... all the while not seeing that what we are here, now, as we are... is already loved and approved of. Goddess Leonie @ GoddessGuidebook.com’s last blog post..Introducing… the new ecourse!

By: Michelle Russell

Michelle Russell — Tue, 26 May 2009 23:08:13 +0000

Thanks, Eileen and Barbara! I think we ALL could use personal cheering sections when it comes to remembering to be ourselves, in all the rawness of that. I'm lucky to have you both as friends. Michelle Russell’s last blog post..Aiming to Please

By: Barbara Martin

Barbara Martin — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:41:39 +0000

YOU are sooo enough. We all need to remember that. Thank you for the reminder.

Barbara Martin’s last blog post..Creativity Book Search Update

By: Eileen

Eileen — Tue, 26 May 2009 18:17:45 +0000

Oooh, I got chills reading this. What a wonderfully raw and honest piece of self-discovery. Yay for you, for just being *yourself*...Lots of love~E. Eileen’s last blog post..The new drug