Happy new year!
It’s been a long, long time…hasn’t it?*
*huge props to anyone who can identify the lyrical reference–leave a comment below if you can and you’ll be enthusiastically celebrated.
I haven’t posted in quite a while, because I’ve been thinking Deep Thoughts about where I want this blog to go. You should be seeing me post with some regularity again.
In the meantime, I’ve started off the new year differently than I have in the past, thanks to Cairene MacDonald, who recently hosted a teleclass with her own coach Laura Burkey on choosing a theme for the year, rather than goals or resolutions. Because you know how the latter usually works—you set yourself up for failure, with the best of intentions. If you’re lucky, maybe you even last a whole month. (Me? Not even that long.) Then you spend the rest of the year berating yourself for not keeping your resolutions or not working more diligently toward your goals, slipping further and further into resignation and self-criticism.
Fun fact! I just went to my favorite online anagram creator (be warned—it’s highly addictive), plugged in the word “resolutions,” and one of the anagrams it came up with was “onerous list.” How fitting is that?
I’m tired of that whole resolve-and-fail pattern…but I have some definite directions I want to take this year. So a theme seems like a great idea. According to Laura, a theme gives you a point of focus, but it doesn’t have any specific “action steps,” and you cannot ever be failing at your theme. To a recovering perfectionist like me, that’s important.
Here are the four main concepts to consider when creating your theme for the year. I feel okay sharing this with you because Laura offered them to us for free on the call. I’ve also rephrased some of them a bit, so it’s a mix of her words and mine.
- Your theme should reflect the emergence of your true self. It’s not about changing yourself—it’s about adding to or improving on who you already are and always have been. Some aids to thinking about this are phrases like “What I have always…” and “As a kid, I always…”.
- Your theme must be timely and relevant to you right now. Whatever words you use to express it will speak volumes to you, and resonate with your heart, mind, and even your physical body.
- Your theme should require a daily, healthy stretch. Not to stress you out, but more as a call to yourself from yourself to extend yourself in new ways that you want. Not because of internalized “shoulds,” but because you have chosen this direction for yourself.
- Your theme must “stick.” Its words should really pack a punch and be catchy and memorable to you. Personal.
I’ve chosen a theme for the year. Wanna hear it?
::whistles::
Oh, you do? Okay, then.
My personal theme for 2010 is “Nourish my life, claim my power.”
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Nourishing my life is partly about physical nourishment. Because I have some serious and deep-seated issues with food. I don’t eat well, I never really learned how to cook or enjoy healthy food, and I’m starting to suffer from this. The irony is that I’m probably severely malnourished at the same time that I’m significantly overweight.
This year I want to focus on nourishing myself with food and movement, rather than restricting myself to foods that I don’t enjoy and forcing myself to exercise. I’m not going to say “I can’t have that” or “I must do this.” Instead, I’m going to experiment with “What do I want that would nourish me?” and “What ways of moving would give my body pleasure?” So nothing is out, but I’m looking for more of what I want in.
But the concept of nourishment goes deeper than that. I’ve spent my entire life being a people-pleaser, and now that I’ve decided I want to live life on my own terms at last, I’m having trouble figuring out what those terms are. It seems that somewhere along the way, I forgot how to have fun in ways that don’t require winning the lottery to finance. When someone recently asked me the question “What would you do if you had today entirely at your disposal?” I had to honestly answer, “I don’t know.” That’s heartbreaking and more than a little frightening.
So as a first step, I’ve created a list entitled “Ways to Nourish Myself” and stuck it in my planner so I always have it at hand. It has some incredibly simple things on it like “breathe deeply” and “stretch,” which I can do anywhere, plus things that are more location-based (“cuddle with my cats”) and some that are mini-projects (“try a new recipe”) or longer-term ones (“grow plants”). I’ll add to it as I think of more things, but already this list gives me something to turn to if I’m at a loose end and want to do something to steady myself and experience some pleasure.
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Claiming my power is about stepping into a place of more confidence. For instance, I want to launch a business this year. (Stay tuned!) For the past year or so, I’ve been in learning mode, taking in books and recordings and advice from others so that now I can picture myself as a “solopreneur.” (Which just means being in business for myself, without having employees. Gotta love clever terminology.) But when I look back on last year, I realize I took on the role of the apprentice in my own mind.
I’ll never stop learning, growing, and asking for help and advice, but I need to stop seeing myself as an apprentice now. I need to trust that I have legitimate skills and wisdom to offer, and move out of information-gathering mode into implementation mode. Every entrepreneur I know says they didn’t know what they were doing when they launched their businesses—they just jumped in, started doing things, and noticed what worked and what didn’t. It’s time for me to stop reading about how to swim and dive in already, trusting that I’ll figure it out as I go along and that I have people on my team who will support me in all kinds of ways.
I also want to claim my power in the realm of personal relationships. I’ve gotten much better at stating my wants and needs clearly, and understanding that they’re as valid as anyone else’s—but I’d like to develop that even further. I want to be able to communicate openly and directly, but without anger or violence, in a way that affirms what I want but also seeks to understand what the other person (or people) want. I want to get better at finding win-win situations, and at making conscious choices to walk away from situations that become too toxic for me.
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So…it should be a very interesting year for me. I’ll keep you posted on my progress from time to time.
What about you? Have you made any promises to yourself this year, and if so, how are you doing so far? (And how are you doing it? If you’ve found a way to keep your resolutions, inquiring minds want to know!)
How does the idea of an annual theme sound to you? If you’re exploring it and want to comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Again, happy 2010! I hope it’s a great one for all of us.
Tags: achievement, non-judgment, self-worth
My theme/word is CONNECTION… I have realized that through the process I have gone through I have pulled myself in, and that caused me to feel disconnected from everyone around me. I want to start focusing more on being more connected — not only to other people in my “real” life, but to people online, to family, friends, myself, and the Divine…
I have 5 goal type things I’m working on writing through… but the overarching theme is to stop hiding and connect to the big wild world again…
I loved reading this post and hearing you commit to this amazing theme. It feels so good!! Loved being able to be your theme buddy!! Mine is already resonating in my life and it feels great.
Onerous list! That is so perfect. I hate the whole idea of New Year’s Resolutions and gave them up many years ago. (I’m also against the whole idea that we have to “fix” or “improve” ourselves in any way…I like thinking in terms of uncovering – like you say “emergence of true self.”)
Love how you phrased your theme – it sounds very positive, strong and confident. For the past few years I’ve been going with one word themes, last year it was ADVENTURE and this year it is PURPOSE. Now after seeing your example, I’m considering expanding it into a phrase like you did.
Thanks for the inspiration, looking forward to reading more.
That lyrical reference sounds oh so familiar….I don’t remember, maybe after supper’s ready it will come talk to me?
Folks, we have a winner! Step right up, Denise—you must really love to be loved, because you hit the big time. Not only did you identify who was in the musical box—you played “here comes the flood” with more lyrical references! You’ve got me doing a gleeful foxtrot here.
And nope, I’m not telling, just in case anyone else still wants to play.
)
@Pam – nice theme! And what I really like is how it connects your five goals together like the rim around spokes of the same wheel. This way, it won’t feel like your goals are in competition with each other for your time and energy—instead, each bit of progress you make toward one will contribute to the collective energy of your whole theme.
@Julie – I love your theme, too, and I’m glad it’s already serving you well. I like being your theme buddy very much!
@Patty – Actually, “emergence of true self” was Laura’s phrase, but it works, doesn’t it? And yeah, I was stunned when I ran the word through the anagram site and came up with “onerous list.” It felt too perfect to be true!
Late to the party, Michelle, but I adore your theme!
‘Nourishing’ just makes a lot of sense to me – no ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t', just noticing whether something feels better or worse and responding appropriately.
And the claiming of power – wow, that’ll be awesome! Here’s to hoping I’ll be where you are now in a year’s time!
Oh yeah, and I wanted to add that I ran my husband’s name through the anagrammer, and it turns up as ‘Have Junk Food.’
Which is slowly becoming less true, but it sure used to be!
My name comes back ‘A Marriage Date Jolt’ – the sensation you get when you wake up and realise YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK!
Hi Maartje! I hand’t noticed that “nourishing” and “noticing” sound very similar until you commented.
)
And I’m glad I turned you on to The Annagrammer! (“Have Junk Food”! **chortles**)
Absolutely beautifully written and so glad I have stumbled upon it. Sometimes it feels like your the only one with information overload and other people can’t possibly be doing what you are – a warming realisation that we are all walking down similar paths to get to where we want to!
Thank you!
Hi Tracey, and thank you! Yes, it’s so easy to feel alone, and like you’re the ONLY one dealing with your kinds of issues, because no one else could *possibly* be going through what you are . . . and then you find out in some way or another that you’re not alone at all.
If this post gave you a bit of that, I’m gratified.